If someone would have said...

"Don't waste your time going to grad school, you'll be miserable for two years"

I wouldn't have listened. I would have said, nah, I can do it. It can't be that bad, right?

It's really not the worst thing ever, I'm just starting to get really sick of being busy all the time, or at least thinking about all the things I should be doing when I'm trying to relax. I swear that I don't really get the chance to relax much because when I try, I feel guilty I'm not doing something else and subsequently get stressed out. And then I blog.

Hearing from others in the grad program that I'm in, it sounds like we're all sort of going through the same thing. We want to be done. I had a friend in the program last year, I thought he was just whiny about it all, now I just realize that it's the second year of the program. The first year was bearable, it's new people you have a tolerance for and the 'fun' of being back in school allows you to ride that feeling out for most of the year. Now, the countdown begins. Last year I was counting down to my wedding, this year it is graduation. Friday May, 8th 1pm (213 days). I am defending my thesis on June 17th at 11:30am (253 days). These are the dates that I am counting down to. These dates symbolize when I get my life back. Or at least when my head will be less mush (unless all of my celebratory drinking has some lasting effects). I hate the fact that I want the next 9 months to just fly by, because I sort of feel like I am just wasting my life away waiting for the unpleasant things to go by and failing to enjoy everything else that is going on around me. Yes, this is my fault for jam packing so many things into so few years, but I do it knowing life will be more enjoyable when I am done. Going to school now means I will never have to deal with kids and school and work. I know that when I finish school that Adam and I will be able to have a couple years to just relax and do the things that we want to do. I know he is affected by school as much as I am because me being busy means that I also don't get to see him 3+ nights a week.

I do know that if I didn't got back to school now, I would think about it and would eventually go back. I think that's just who I am. I push myself to do things until I can't push any further. Often times I get too stressed out to deal with it, but I like juggling things and get bored easily. I'm already planning what to do with my free time this summer... I will actually be able to focus and train for a long race. I was on course to run Grandma's 1/2 marathon spring 07 but hurt my knee and knew that I wouldn't be able to continue "long" runs in order to properly train. So, summer '09 will just have to wait for my 1/2 marathon debut. Richfield Urban Wildland, I'm looking at you.