Us Time.

After 5 Christmas gatherings spread over 3 weekends, we finally get some time to relax. Adam's on a mission to get the office in shape. The office has pretty much been Adam's room to do whatever he wants in it. At one point we both had desks in there, but I moved mine out years ago, and it's just his room. I often call it his horder room since he's not one to throw things away, but he's getting better. Right now he's trying to clean it up so he can paint it. Once the room gets organized, I think it will look really nice.

My parents bought us a new dining room lamp for Christmas and my dad gave us a "gift certificate" for installation, so he'll be coming over on Saturday to finally replace the light we've never liked but haven't done anything with for the last 6 years. Apparently 5-6 years is my breaking point for doing house work. Last year I'd had enough of the wood panel that needed to be fixed in the kitchen, a job that took roughly 15 minutes to complete, but 5 years to actually get started. The second we moved into the house, we wanted to change the dining room lamp, but for reasons unknown, we've never have.

My mission this week is to get the house organized. I spent way too many hours last week cleaning the house, that now I want to keep it, but if it's not organized, it's never going to stay clean. We have a small house that always feels cluttered, and we're both feeling the strain of space. There are only two of us, there's plenty of room, especially considering that Adam grew up in a house slightly larger with 3 people, 2 of which are both over six feet tall. We have enough space for us, we just think we don't. Part of the issue is that we have piles of stuff everywhere. I'll get a pile of things ready to donate and Adam decides we wants to sell some of it. So, then it sits in a "to be sold" pile and rarely ever leaves the house until I find the pile again and just donate it without him knowing. This week I want to remove the baker's rack from our dining room that serves as a pile holder more than anything. I think for $30, buying 2-3 things, I can eliminate an eye sore and make something more functional. I want to replace the open space with a nice bookshelf and get rid of 2 smaller, mis-matched bookshelves Adam's mom gave us out of her house when we moved into together 7 years ago (so she could buy new things). At the time, they were fine, but now, they're over-flowing and not as functional at something larger could be. Of course, Adam's solution is to just get rid of some of the books. I'm hoping to work out a compromise on this situation and by compromise, I mean convince him to see it my way. Kidding... kind of. I'll see what I find at Ikea tomorrow.

I think the biggest thing for me is that I want to have an adult-looking house. We were young when we bought the house and as I near turning 30 (in 6 months), I want it to look like two professional adults live here. Yes, we'll still have a framed Nintendo poster and concert posters around, but I don't want the rest of the house to look like a messy closet. Also, not moving for almost 7 years means that we've brought things into the house with very little going out. Binging is the other half of my organization plan. I have an exciting couple of days of purging and organizing ahead of me. Happy New Year to me!

Cleaning.

Cleaning the house is like working out. You never really want to do it, you just know that you should. And you are always happier you did it after its done. But I can't seem to get myself off the couch to do it. I got the workout part in this morning. I went to a yoga class at the Bloomington Lifetime. A few of the people in the class were discussing someone's recent cataracts surgery, the girl next to me had never done yoga before (despite the fact the class description recommended a basic knowledge of yoga), the teacher had a really thick Minnesotan accent that was grinding on my nerves and she ended the class with a Christmas song. Not exactly my ideal yoga setting, but at least I went and it served as a good warm up for my run. I don't mind running on a treadmill when there's good TV on and the Price is Right was perfect. You don't really need to hear the show to know what's going on, but it's visually entertaining and when it's on a commercial break, the View and the 4th hour of the Today show are equally distracting. I've seen the SNL skits of Hoda and Kathie Lee, but what I didn't know was how accurate it they are. It's frightening. 

The fact that I have one more day off before Adam has a week off makes it that much easier to put off the fact that my house is still a mess. It's even easier to avoid it when I know he doesn't actually care. 

Sigh. 

December Bucket List.

One of my friends has been asking about what people's December Bucket lists are, so I've been trying to give it some thought. I had high hopes of engaging in some winter snow activities, but with this "brown" holiday season, it doesn't look like that will happen. As much as I'd like to move to another city, the fact that I will remain a Minnesotan for my lifetime is sinking in, and if I'm going to be a Minnesotan, I need a to take-up a winter sport. Ideally, something I can do with Adam. We talked about cross country skiing, it's a good workout, but also something (I think) can be picked up by novices such as Adam and myself. But we need some snow to do it. We also don't have tons of extra time over the month since we also have 5 Christmas gatherings. We've already had one, two more this weekend and then two more over Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, so that takes up a lot of free time. I've tried to be good this year (realistic) about what do and don't have time for and prioritizing the things that I want to do.

Every December, I try to go to the British Ad Awards at the Walker Art Center, I got tickets for the first Saturday to ensure that we got to see them. My sister comes into town tomorrow, so I want to make sure that I spend some quality time with her. I don't think I've seen her since April when we were in New York.

The holidazzle and the 8th floor Macy's display used to always be on my list, but now that I work downtown, I don't make it as much of a priority to see the same parade year after year, and since Macy's keeps showing the same display, that's getting old. I used to go for the amazing sugar cookies, but since I discovered I can buy them year-round down in the marketplace, it takes away from the experience even more.

Most of my high school friends moved to other cities after high school, so a lot of my December gets spent trying to see them during the one time a year they come home.

The more I ramble the more it becomes clear to me that what I want to do this December is to spend quality time with Adam, with close friends and family, and take time to do the things that I want to do. I've made working out and eating healthier a big priority, so while the work wight loss challenge is over (I came a disappointing second place, just missing a cash prize by one percent), I still want to keep my good habits going throughout the holidays. So, I intend to not over-extend myself and enjoy the rest of the month and hope you get a chance to do the same.

Cheers!

Post Yoga Calm.

I intended on going for a run this morning, but I ran into my favorite yoga instructor who convinced me to go to his class instead. I love the feeling I get after yoga. Starting out my day twisting, turning and balancing my body into crazy poses puts me in a great mood. I already warned my cube neighbor that I'm probably going to be annoyingly happy today. But since when is that a bad thing?

I'm on track to win $200 in our work "biggest loser" competition. Of course, we branded it "Fat Fight Fest." I was in the lead last week and I'm hoping to remain there tomorrow for the final weigh in. I'm amazed at how fast I can gain weight. Over 9 months of steady weight gain, I managed to gain 15 pounds and feel incredibly out of shape. Although, I blame consistent knee pain for a lot of the weight gain. When my knee hurt, I wouldn't workout, but I also didn't limit my eating and opted to eat whatever I wanted (as if I can do that when I do work out regularly!). Either way, bad habits kept in and I didn't stop it for most of last year. 

The hardest part of getting back into a work out routine is starting it. Everything feels so difficult and it's so hard to get yourself motivated. This time is was tough, but running the 10K on Thanksgiving kept me motivated and feeling good. Now, I'm making workouts a priority and scheduling them, reminding myself that any workout is better than no workout. I've been listening to my body too. On Monday my knee was achy, so I biked instead of the treadmill, but I kept thinking that just getting up and moving is better than nothing. Something always comes up and breaks my routine, I'm hoping my 2 weeks off of work starting next week don't ruin all the progress I've made. But as long as I can remember how great I feel after a workout, I will hopefully be able to power through the holidays and go to the gym!

I started a tumblr.

I take photos of things all the time and find random things, but I don't have anywhere to put them, so they're going to go here:

RedShoePrint.Tumblr.com

I realize having another place for everything makes it hard, but I find quickly posting pictures to blogger to be less than easy, so I'm going to keep this for mostly writing/personal stuff (for the 4 people that occasionally read this) and tumblr for all the other random things that I find. 

Now after a 4 hours of couch sitting/computer work, I'm going to the gym. For the fact that I enjoy working, out once I'm there, I'm amazed at how much I need to talk myself into it most days. 

I won't tell him.

I eat a lot of vegetables, Adam doesn't. So I try to sneak in extras into meals so his diet is more balanced and somewhat healthy. Yesterday, during the first snow of the season, I decided to make lasagna. I don't have a fancy recipe or anything, I just follow the recipe on the pasta box, except I swap out real meat for soy "meat". The last time I made it I cut up some green peppers and onions and added them into a few layers to increase the vegetable content. I just cut them up normally and Adam noticed immediately. He questioned the extra veggies and then proceeded to pick them out and leave them on his plate. His complaint, "they were too many", which tends to be his complaint that I put too many vegetables in. Of course, in my opinion, there can never be too many. Yesterday when I was getting ingredients for dinner, I had the same idea to add in a few more veggies. I got a green and red pepper and a white onion, cut them up as small as I could and added them to the sauce. When we were eating, I was watching Adam closely to see if he would notice these extra vegetables, but nothing! He didn't say one word and ate every bite. I call that a successful dinner.

My morning struggle.

Last night I was reading an article about the Scandinavian practice of going in a sauna and then jumping into cold water (or snow). Going from extreme hot to cold is good for your skin, rides your body of toxins, blah, blah. (For context, I was reading Whole Living) As I was reading I thought I should try it at the gym going from sauna to a cold shower. I was getting all amped up for a good 3 mile run followed by cleansing hot and cold. It sounded great... last night.

I picked out some work clothes and gym clothes. I packed my bag. I set everything out that I needed.

Then 6am rolls around and I start talking myself out of it.
"You can work out later." A quick check of my calendar for the day and I realize, I can't.
"You can work out tomorrow". No, I said I'd work out today.
"You can work out after happy hour." Really? Because that's ever happened.

On a cold winter-ish morning, it's a lot easier to stay in bed than it is to go to the gym. It just is. But if I want to get back in shape, the only way to do it is to workout. The only way to guarantee that I have the time to workout is to go in the morning. Thus, the morning workout. Thankfully my morning run paid off, I lost another 2lbs in our work weight loss challenge. Talk about instant gratification. Although I know it wasn't instant, it certainly helps with motivation and hopefully tomorrow my morning "do you really want to workout now" dialogue will only be 15 minutes instead of 30.  

A Trio of Simmies.

My study abroad experience is one thing I'm so thankful that I did. Yes, it was an extra cost in my college tuition and it extended my time in college slightly, but the time and money was so worth it. I had a few pints with some friends from the trip last night at the British pub Merlins Rest in East Minneapolis last night. We had so much fun reminiscing about our time together in London and all the crazy things we did. It's been 9 years, but we still talk about it as if it was yesterday. Our lives have changed since those days, we're not college students, we're working professionals with spouses/significant others and in Steve's case, a baby. But no matter how much time has passed, I love that we still have those memories together and a friendship that started overseas, but continues here.

An, Steve, Me at Merlins Rest in Minneapolis.

It's all about the food.

Over the past few days I've eaten some wonderful food. I'm pretty sure in another life I was a food reviewer. I just love food and I love trying new places. 

Since Tom passed away a month ago, Adam and I have made it a priority to spend more time with his mom. He calls her several times a week and we try to see her at least once a week. Last night we had a really nice dinner together at Broders in S. Minneapolis. Their pasta is amazing and it's such a nice, neighborhood restaurant. I had a the Lobster Fettuccine and the three of us shared the pumpkin cheesecake for desert. 

On Sunday, my mom and I went to La Cage Aux Folle at the State Theater in Minneapolis and had lunch at Ginger Hop in NE Minneapolis. It was the start of restaurant week so we managed to score a great lunch deal on the excellent Thai food. I had Pad Thai with tofu and caramelized onion wontons. 

On Saturday, I had lunch and dinner with two of my favorite friends. Lunch was Mozza Mia in Edina and dinner at the new Muddy Waters in Uptown. For lunch I had a pesto chicken panini and for dinner I had this amazing peanut butter mock duck pizza. Peanut butter + pizza?! I'm in love. Of course, dinner was followed by a trio of wonderful deserts. I had the pumpkin cupcake with cream cheese frosting. 

I seem to be on an eating pattern of thai and pumpkin themed items. The pumpkin is certainly seasonal, but the Thai? I just love Thai food and eat it every chance I can. It's not one of Adam's favorites, so I take advantage when the opportunity presents itself. 

In regards to something non-food related, I'm thinking about doing the National Novel Writing Month for November. I tried it a couple years ago, and almost finished, but work got crazy and I barely had time to sleep, let alone write. Last year, work was again crazy, so I didn't even try it. I'm beginning to wonder if history will repeat itself and I won't have time again, but I want to try. I always wake up before Adam on weekend mornings, so I could get a few hours of uninterrupted writing in. I'm also have the week of Thanksgiving off of work, so if I need some extra time to write, I would have hopefully have some time to catch up then, assuming I fall behind. I estimate that work will get busier as the weeks progress, but I think I can find the time to do it. Now, I just need to narrow down and get a plan together for what I'm going to write. I can get that done in a week, right? Right?!

Cancer.

On September 20th my step-father-in-law, Tom Conley, lost his battle with cancer. He was an amazing man. So generous, so helpful and would do anything to help his family and friends. I started dating Adam just months after Tom starting dating Cindy (Adam's mom), so my entire time as a part of this family, he's been right there too. Months before our wedding, Tom was diagnosed with lung and liver cancer. I was planning my wedding and he was starting an aggressive chemo treatment. He never gave up. He always kept looking for the next research study, the next opportunity that would cure him. Over the summer, we knew things were getting worse, but defeat was never an option. We only discussed the positive side of what hospital or research study to apply to next. When the hospital told us he only had days left, it was difficult to hear. In the back our minds, we knew that the time was nearing, but hearing it makes it that much harder. I'll cry if I continue to write more, but it's been a long few weeks and I'm happy Tom is at peace now and is finally free of pain.  

Two of my friends wrote about cancer over the last day. One wrote about breast cancer awareness (which I agree, we're all aware of it, pink ribbons aren't the only ribbons to be aware of) and the other wrote about sending mail to cancer patients. Both bring up great points, we need to support all the "colors" of cancer and you never know how you can brighten someone's day with a little snail mail. I've been thinking I need to send letters to friends and family more, and today is the day I actually do it. As soon as I buy some stamps...

Just Write: Alone with my thoughts

Today isn't a good day to be alone with my thoughts. I'm trying to focus on what needs to be done, but I keep waiting for the call.

The call to tell me how he's doing. Is he getting worse? Or is it over? We all know how it will end, but none of us know when it will end. He's fought as hard as he can and has never given up hope. He's constantly been looking for the next study, more research to find the right way to fight the cancer. He's a fighter through and through and he's fighting until the very end.

I want to cry, I want to scream. It's not fair to him, it's not fair to her. They should get more time together, 10 years just isn't enough. They deserved a lifetime together.

Life's not fair and we usually don't get what we want. We have to play the cards we're dealt. It gives us perspective and makes us stronger. But I'm sorry I don't want to listen to your problems today, I don't care about your superficial whining. I've got enough on my plate, I don't care about you today.

(A post about my Step-Father-In-Law's fight with cancer)

Linking up to: Just Write

Internet Stalker.

I took the bus into work today and a girl that sat next to me looked just like a girl that I met ten years ago. We actually met in Mankato at MSU-M dance team tryouts. I was already on the cheer team, but since dance was more of my passion, I had to try to see if I could make the team. We hit it off at tryouts and talked most of the day. She made the team, I didn't and I never really thought about her again, until I showed up at the University of MN. I walked into a big lecture classroom and sat right next to her. During the class break, we both confided that we thought each other looked familiar and realized that we actually met before in Mankato. We hit it off again as transfer students not knowing a lot of other people. We didn't keep in touch much after graduation and the last time I saw her was October 2006 when we ran into each other at the CC Club. All morning I was wondering "what happened to her?", "Was that her on the bus?". I had to know. 

After the usual go of internet searching, (google, facebook) the only potential match is a linkedin profile without much information. Alas, I think this missing friend will remain missing. I've gotten so used to being able to find people so quickly and reconnect on a whim, that when it doesn't happen, it's a little frustrating. On the flip side, it gives me some hope that if you don't want to be found you don't have to be.

A Chicago Love Affair

I love Chicago. I have since my first trip at 17. The first trip Adam and I ever took together was to Chicago and he proposed in Chicago. The city just has such positive association for me. If I could move, it would be to Chicago in a heartbeat. But would it be as good as I think it would?

Probably not.

For the past decade, we've been having a really great long distance relationship. When I do get to visit, it's always fun with no-regrets, but I've never seen the negative. Taking the L at rush hour, waiting for a bus or a train in the freezing cold of winter, I know it exists, but I don't have personal experience with it. Sometimes it's best to not know the realities and stay with the fantasy.

Opposites Attract.

For as similar as Adam and I can be, we're also so extremely different. Tonight we were both out running errands and were trying to figure out what to do for dinner. I immediately said Chinese. Adam said pizza. We both said no to each other's suggestion. We were heading home and were thinking takeout was the best option, or at least something that we could eat at home. We split up and met back at our house. Adam arrived home with Davannis and I arrived home with Thai from Tum Rup Thai. It made me laugh at our different choices and after nine years together, we're still have our differences.

Need of a change.

After being blonde for the last few years, I've opted to change it up and go dark. I haven't gotten used to it yet, but I will.

It doesn't help that I've been sick all weekend. My allergies finally took over and I've been battling sinus pain, headache and a cold since Friday evening. Not exactly the way I wanted to spend my 3 day weekend. I'm hoping I'll be feeling more like myself tomorrow, but guessing, as always, it's going to take a couple days to feel like myself again.

Holy Crazy Batman.

These last two days are kicking my ass.

Yesterday, Adam got laid off from his job of 7 years.

Today, my director (also my immediate supervisor) resigned.

It's only Tuesday. WTF.

We're going to be fine in regards of going from DINK to SINK (double income no kids to single income no kids). We did it two years ago and we know we can do it again with some cutbacks. This is Adam's chance to find a job he loves. He knows exactly what he wants to do, now he just needs to go do it. Obviously not the ideal situation, but I know it will work out in the end. And seriously, getting laid off in the summer is pretty freakin' amazing. I sort of think everyone deserves to have a couple months off every 5 or so years to rejuvenate. Naturally, some sort of sabbatical would be a better option, but unemployment works too. Anyway, we're very optimistic about the future.

Today sucked. The news dropped in the morning, right before a company meeting. I was blindsided. I semi-thought something was up, but pushed it out of mind since I didn't want it to happen or think about it. Last week another director of mine left the company and these two directors are the people I work with ALL THE TIME. I'm a team of one, but they were my superiors that I talked my projects through. The people that really know what I do and while I worked predominately alone, I knew I had both of them for support when I needed it. Losing one was enough, but both is just too much for me. I started crying immediately- in front of my department and the president of the company, and for the most part haven't stopped all day. I had an immediate feeling of abandonment. Working alone is the least favorite thing about my job, so having my two directors leave, it felt like I was orphaned. Left alone to fend for myself. At 10am this morning, that was WAY too much for me. I spent most of the day trying to navigate what all the changes mean and while it feels like a lot now, I know things will be ok. As I keep thinking about the news, it's still bringing me to tears. I'm hoping by tomorrow I'll have some more composure and can get through the day. My emotions are running wild and I can't even properly convey them and it's hard for others to understand what I'm going through. For most of my co-workers, nothing will really change for them. They have teams to rely on, right now, I have no one. I already feel like an island in my department, today I became an orphaned island.

I know things will get better, with time, they always do. But for only being Tuesday, this has been an incredibly long week.

I'm off to Chicago tomorrow to visit some friends and Lollapalooza myself. Hopefully skipping town will help me deal with all of this.

Staying Busy.

I prefer to stay busy, because if I don't, I end up doing absolutely NOTHING. That was this weekend. I'm semi-ashamed to even admit it, but that's what I wanted this weekend to be. After a week of rehearsals prepping for performances and then 3 nights of performances, I needed a nice week off. I'm also positive that Adam and I will never be on the same "energy" schedule. When I'm awake and want to go out, he doesn't. When he does, I don't. Adam's car was acting up last week so I biked into work on Friday so he could use my car. I enjoy the ride in, however on Friday, my knee started to hurt and feel achy once I got to work. Needless to say, that made the return trip home less than ideal and of course just wore me out. Adam wanted to go to down to Lake Calhoun, walk around and get a beer, but I just wasn't feeling it. We settled on take-out and movie night on the couch. Which was exactly what I wanted and needed. That was pretty much our routine for the rest of the weekend. Movies, naps, take-out. It was nice and relaxing, but I always feel a little guilty about not doing ANYTHING. But at the same time our MN summer has kept me in hibernation mode, preferring the air conditioning to the triple digit heat indices. Yes, I'm trying to make myself feel better about a super lazy weekend that consisted on multiple-per day naps. Of course, I woke up around 3am this morning and couldn't fall back asleep until sometime after 5, so instead of feeling rested and revived, I'm itching for more sleep.

The other reason that I was OK with not doing anything this weekend is that I'm heading to Chicago for Lollapalooza. I know I'm going to need my energy for 3 days of music. It's been a while since I've been to an all-day musical festival, let alone 3 days of music. I'm hoping that I can comfortably handle the crowds and my knee (which is still sore) can handle all the standing. I think the fact that I'm more worried about crowds and my body indicates that I am for sure getting old. My 16 year old self would be worried about how to catch 2 bands playing back to back on different stages. I know I just need to relax and enjoy my time visiting friends and one of my favorite cities.

Lastly, I'm started to get worried about the duathlon and half marathon I've signed up for. I'm 28 days away from the duathlon and my knee has been too sore to train much, and the weather has been less than ideal for long bike rides or outdoor running. I'm letting my knee call the shots these days, so if I can't do it, I can't do it. I want to. I love the idea of a duathlon, but not if my body is going to be hating me every step of the way. My heart was in the race last year when I signed up (and was healthy). But this year, after deferring my entry to this year and a year of recovery, I'm not so excited about it. I'll keep trying but I'm okay if I have to throw in the towel on this race. Sadly, I know that if my knee won't let me do a duathlon, then a half is certainly out. But again, I'll call that as it gets closer. It was this time last year that I started running again, so maybe everything will work out after all. Maybe?

You've got mail!

I saw this today from here:


Just yesterday I asked a friend for his updated address knowing that he had relocated from the east coast to the west coast. Part of the reason I was asking was to have his address for Christmas cards, but also because I thought that I should actually mail him something that wasn't electronic. I had also been thinking about my sister in NY. She sent some cookies in the mail to a mutual friend of ours and I realized that she and I rarely mail anything to each other. For birthdays and Christmas, yes, but not just because. I had already been thinking about using snail mail more just because, and this comic just reinforced that idea. I've had a lot of friends move out of the state, or country, over the past couple of years, so it might be nice to send them something more personal that an email or wall post on facebook. Just a thought, we'll see if I put it into action.

Nerves.

The first night of Momentum: New Dance Works is tonight (the dance performance I've been rehearsing for over the past 3 months). And I'm getting very nervous. So nervous that eating my lunch may have been a bad idea and nausea may set in very soon. I was thinking it's been roughly a decade since I performed in any capacity until a co-worker reminded about our yearly agency talent show that I have performed in twice and only of those time was required. The difference with the agency talent show is that 1). The audience is drunk. Open bar, middle of the day, kind of drunk. 2). They aren't paying to be there, in fact they're getting paid to sit back and enjoy an adult beverage with the show. This show, people are paying to see it, and the audience won't be quite as intoxicated (or so I'm guessing) as my co-workers tend to be at the talent show. Either way, I'm getting nervous. Hard to focus and relax kind of nervous. I need to get some work done, but I some how need to calm the butterflies in my stomach in order to do that. I haven't been this nervous for a long time and if I'm this nervous now, I'm concerned as to how I'll be before the show. Hopefully the disguising elements of my costume will help with that. It's easier for me to feel confident when everyone looks similar. It's a 40 minute routine and I'm hoping after the first few minutes that I'll calm down and be able to focus. In the meantime, I'm starting to wonder why I'm putting myself through this. It's weird blend of nerves and excitement and I'm hoping that excitement takes over. Soon.

Oh, Baby.

No- not me.

But feels like everyone else. I think I've reached the age of the baby boom. My google reader and facebook feeds have been overrun with babies. I'm not complaining, just making an observation. Two friends of mine blog regularly about their lives as parents,
Simplicity in the Suburbs and Soft and Steel. I've been reading about their experiences for the past few years literally watching their kids grow up via posts and pictures. But up until recently, that was sort of it for my friends with kids. Now, FB has turned into a baby announcement center. I don't know when this all happened. I never really even had a wedding boom among friends, but it looks like it just skipped right to babies.

As Adam and I have been together for the last 9 years (today!) and married for over 3 now, we gets asked about when we're going to take that plunge. The thought used to scare me, but as I'm getting surrounded by it online, it doesn't feel as scary as it used to. Still scary of course, but not as much. We have friends telling us to travel and wait as long as we can, and then we have friends telling us, "but don't wait too long". I know there isn't a road map for this, but sometimes, it would be nice if there were. I know I wouldn't be thinking about any of this if I wasn't constantly getting updates about babies on one social network or another. But now that I am thinking about it, I wonder if I'll be able to stop...

Insomnia.

Last night, after a 7.5 mile bike ride home from work and a 2 mile run/walk, I fully anticipated that I would be utterly exhausted and fall asleep the second my head hit the pillow. Sadly, I was wrong. I feel asleep pretty quickly, but I woke up around 2 am and was awake for a couple hours, just tossing and turning. I hate that. I wanted to get up around 6 to bike into work again and go for a run this morning. Granted, I probably should give my body a little bit of recovery time between a night work-out and a morning one, but today is a beautiful day and I wanted to at least ride my bike in. By the time I was even aware of what time it was, it was too late for me to ride in, so I kept sleeping. But not real sleep, just the 9 minute increments of sleep one can get in between the snooze button. I should have just gotten up at least, I always feel more tired when I do that. So, here I am with my first, of what will probably be several, cup of coffee for the day, trying to wake up and face the world. But all I really want is a nap.

Day 1.

It's really the small victories that matter. I biked into work today, but I left later than I wanted and didn't have time for a run/walk. My first meeting of the day was next to a plate of puppy dog tails from Isles Buns but I grabbed a couple of pieces of fruit instead of one the delicious baked goods. Thankfully that willpower is keeping me in check and I want to keep my healthy eating going for lunch... but I'm starting to get hungry now. This could be a long day.

I need a diet.

I have to say, hanging out in a dance studio with a bunch of 20-year-olds, in spandex, it really does a number on one's self esteem. Since my knee has been so inconsistent, I haven't been working out much, or at all, other than dance rehearsals. Rehearsals aren't as strenuous as my high school ones, so I really haven't been working out at all. I'm also coming off my birthday when I ate a bazillion cupcakes and pretty much anything else that I wanted. And I continued to do that for all of last week. Today, the last thing I wanted to do was watch myself dance in a mirror. I've been saying that I need to workout more and eat better for a couple of weeks now, but today I reached the point where I'm actually going to take action on it. I'm also 47 days from a duathlon that I haven't started training for. It's a 5k, 18 mile bike ride and another 5k. I'm more worried about the 5ks since I haven't been running much. My old me would be able to get there in time, I'm hoping post surgery me can as well. I'm mostly going to need to build up my endurance since I have none at this point. Hopefully I can get there in a coupe weeks. Thankfully the wonderful MN humidity has subsided and I can bike to work tomorrow without the threat of heat exhaustion. Depending on how my knee feels, I'll also be able to do a short run to start working on my endurance and my running. My knee had been feeling great until last night when Adam jaywalked and I ran across the road to catch up with him. I'm going to be very annoyed if my knee pain lingers for a couple of days because of that.

Anyway, here is my public declaration that I need to workout more and eat better. Healthy me, let's do this.

Friends.

I've been thinking a lot about friendships lately. I'm guessing the best friendships, like marriages, are when everyone has the same idea about what it takes to be a friend or a spouse. In most relationships, there seems to be a giver and a taker. For some, that's going to work out perfectly, for others not at all. Whenever my birthday rolls around and I try to decide what to do, I'm generally at a loss. A birthday two days before the 4th of July in a state where everyone runs off to a cabin, I have to admit, gets very depressing. I'm probably a rarity in the fact that I'm okay getting older. I'm turning 29 tomorrow, yet I got carded for a rated R movie a few months ago. Yes, that was a bit extreme, but it's also a rare day that I don't get carded at all. 2 years ago in Vegas, the bouncers were taking bets as to how young I was before they carded me. As per usual, I was much older than they were expecting. I'll probably have an issue aging once I get to the point when I look my age, or worse, people think I'm older. In the meantime, aging is fine with me. My problem always lies in trying to get others to celebrate my aging. Most of my high school friends have moved out of state. Transferring colleges left me with out a big group of college friends. I became friends with a lot of my co-workers after college, but many of them have moved to other cities now. So, I'm left trying to gather those that I can over a long holiday weekend when everyone would prefer to be at a cabin. I try not to dwell on the fact that my in-town friend group is dwindling, but on days like my birthday, it gets a little hard to forget it.

An update.

I'm in the final stretch of 30 days of creativity, so I that's been taking away any of my motivation to write here. I've been writing stories about pictures like I did last year. (Read them here: http://themoreyouknow.posterous.com/). But I haven't had as much physical time to write this year. Last year I was sidelined with my knee injury, so I had more time to sit and write. This year, I feel like I'm constantly on the go. I like being busy, but with dance rehearsal twice a week I'm feeling the strain of lack of time. I'm getting excited for the dance performance mid-July. (Read more on that here: http://www.southerntheater.org/). I'm in the Mad King Thomas piece July 21, 22 & 23. I've been working with a great group of people and I'm excited to get more involved in the dance world again. But, it's been a time commitment and have been feeling it in other areas of my life. Only a few weeks to go and life will get back to normal, whatever that is.

Day 3: It's a bean

Cloud Gate? It’s neither a cloud nor a gate, why is it called Cloud Gate? It’s not a gate to anything and it looks like a bean. A giant chrome bean. Nice try Chicago.

 

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30 Days of Creativity.

I'm participating in 30 days of creativity again. Care to join me?

http://30daysofcreativity.com/

I haven't officially decided what I'm going to do again, but I'd like to do what I did last year- take a picture and write a short story inspired by the picture. Last year I used the inspiration calendar to inspire the photo, but I haven't decided if I want to do that part again too. I might end up picking and choosing the days that work for me. I think I'll start out with the calendar and see how it goes. I'm a lot busier than I was last year, so hopefully I'll be able to do it everyday. Nearly everyday I took a new picture last year, but I've taken a lot more photos this year, so I might take some pre-existing photos instead of taking a new one each day. It starts on Wednesday, so thinking about joining if you're up for it!

All of my 30days from last year are posted here: http://themoreyouknow.posterous.com/tag/30daysofcreativity if you want to take a look at my work from last year.

A vocal wish.

My birthday has always been sort of a depressing time of year. Not because I'm getting a year older, I actually enjoy that part (I've been rounding myself up to 29 for a few months now), it's because no one is ever in town. It's Minnesota, people have cabins and they like to spend the long 4th of July weekend at them. The state of MN turns into a "suitcase campus" in the summers. If you went to a college where everyone "went home" on the weekends, you're probably familiar with that term. But in a nutshell, that's what happens in the summer virtually every weekend and especially 4th of July weekend. Since Adam and I are both cabin-less (how two cabin-less Minnesotans found each other is beyond me), we're always in town for my birthday.

Last Saturday a friend of Adam's was in town. He was the singer of Adam's first band and they did an impromptu reunion at the party we were at. For me, it was fun to see Adam and his friend's play music together. Musicians amaze me because of the way they can jam and play together. One can start playing and the others can just pick it up. I can only relate it to my ability to pick up a dance from someone, but since it's a talent I do not posses, I am fascinated and amazed by it. I met Adam when his band, The May Theory, was playing at my brother's house when I was in college 9 years ago. The band has talked several times about playing together again, not all the time but a reunion show of shorts. Yesterday I was listening to their CD and decided to call them out on facebook and asked for a May Theory reunion for my birthday. I know they're all busy and it's asking a lot for them to take the time to do it, but it's my birthday wish and I put it out there. I was 20 when I first met the band and it feels right to usher in the last year of my twenties with them. Of course, it puts a lot of pressure on my birthday and getting people to actually show up. But I'm going to do what I do every year and at least try. I had surgery two days before my birthday last year and that was less than ideal. Two years ago I was in NY with my sister and helped her move apartments, so I'm looking to break my sad birthday tradition and do something fun.

I don't know if any of this will happen, but I've done something I don't often do and vocalized my birthday wish. Let's hope that doesn't ruin it now.

Pulling it off.

It's been 3 weeks and I'm just getting around to posting my new haircut.


It's a fairly drastic change from my shoulder length hair that I had before, but so far, I'm loving it. It's funny how other people can get so excited for a change. People keep telling me "you can pull it off." I've realized that with such sort hair I really need the confidence to match it, so it's nice to get the positive feedback from others which of course, only builds the confidence. Also, reading a friend's post about what to do with her hair, reminded me that I hadn't shared my change yet.

In other news, Adam and I head to Vegas for our anniversary in 2 weeks. While we just got back from New York 2 weeks ago, I'm excited for our relaxing vacation. Most people party up in Vegas, we relax and unwind by the pool. I'm also on a mission to use all my vacation time throughout the year so I don't end up using all of it in December like I did last year. So far, we're doing well. We don't have any big trips planned for the summer, just a few smaller things. A weekend in Madison for my cousin's wedding, a camping weekend, maybe a trip to Chicago in August. We're going shopping for a new bike for me this weekend, so ideally we'll add some bike excursions to our list of things to do this summer. Minneapolis has so many bike trails, I want to see more of them!

I'm still working on running, but haven't been running as much as I'd like to. My knee still off and on bothers me, so it's hard to be consistent with running. But the warmer weather is helping ease some pain, so as it finally gets to be bearable to be outside, I hope to figure out a good routine. I've also got my dance rehearsals to keep me busy and Sunday soccer games. Having both soccer and dance in my life again makes me feel like I'm 12 since that was the last time I did both activities. But I'm having a good time with both and just trying to keep my knee healthy.

Quiet Time.

I've been talking more than writing lately, hence the lack of posting. Lots of things going on in my head. Questioning a lot of things. Thinking and analyzing, but no writing. Sometimes that just happens. Sometimes things feel too complex to write and share, so I don't. I think that's what's been going on lately.

Adam and I will be heading to NYC next week. I'm really looking forward to the trip. I've been feeling run down for most of the month and I'm hoping a week away from life will help revive me. Granted, its New York City, so not exactly a relaxing beach vacation like we had with Miami, but perhaps a bustling city is just what I need. We have a lot of things planned for our trip, but also hopefully a lot of down time and not being rushed. We have a couple tickets to events (the Daily Show being one!!) but other than that, we'll be on our schedule to do and see what we want. Since I've been there a few times now, it will mostly come down to taking Adam to a few of my favorite places and restaurants. He's open to what we do and see, so that makes planning even easier. We also booked our annual anniversary trip to Las Vegas, so if this trip doesn't revive me, then a few days poolside at the end of May should. I don't really know how we started going to Las Vegas for our anniversary, but its the our 3rd anniversary and our 3rd time going for it. We don't drink a lot and we don't gamble a lot, but the pool and people watching are always a good time.

In other news, I'm going to be in a dance performance at the Southern Theater in July. I honestly don't know much about the performance itself, but I'm looking forward to it. Rehearsals start the second week of May and I'm really excited to dance again. It's a time commitment, but only for 2 months and I think I will really enjoy it experience. As I learn more about the piece and the performance, I'll share.

Wish Tree.

Why are some wishes granted and others not? Is there a waiting period from the time the wish is wished to when it is granted? Some sort of mandatory five minute waiting period?

Are there a maximum number of wishes we’re allotted for a lifetime? Once we reach our maximum, we’re just done? We can keep wishing but the no one bothers to listen anymore?

Does it help to pool everyone’s wishes together on a tree? All of our selfishness exposed for all to see. Is wishing for all your wishes to come true greedy if they’re all self-serving, but selfless if they help others?

How happy would we be if we actually got everything we ever wished?

I hope I don’t ever find out.

 

Posted via email from Knowing is half the battle

Footprints.

They aren’t going to last.



In a moment, the waves will engulf them up, washing away the only physical reminder of their time together. They don’t need to have a tangible reminder of their afternoon at the beach because they have their memories to rely on. And some memories last a lifetime.



But others, like the footprints, get easily washed away.



Right now, she feels like she will never forget the day. The way her head fit perfectly on his shoulder as they walked arm in arm along the ocean. The way they could communicate to each other without having to say a word. How they were surrounded by people, but she felt like they were the only ones around. The sun was shining so brightly she had to squint, but the warmth of the sun made up for any inconvenience. To her, it was a perfect day.



But much like the footprints in the sand, her memories will shift and fade, maybe erasing completely over time. She’s can’t collect her favorite memories and bottle them up like the sea shells she collected on the walk. Instead she has to hold onto it for as long as she can, until the tide rises and takes it out to see. Maybe it will wash up on shore, or maybe it is lost forever. Only time will tell.

(Photo: Atlantic Ocean, Miami South Beach, February 2011)

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My head's still on vacation.

Adam and I took a trip to Miami last weekend. It was a perfect 4 days of doing absolutely nothing. No alarms. Reading and swimming at the beach all day. Relaxing Dinner. Repeat. Of course, now I'm back to work. My body is here, but my head is having a little trouble focusing. I'm trying to engage, but everything feels more interesting than the work that I need to be doing.

The funny thing is, it wasn't a vacation that I needed a vacation after the vacation. I made a comment to Adam that I was totally ready to be home and get back to work. Perhaps I was looking forward to the social side of work and not the actual work part. Either way, I'm sitting at my desk struggling to focus on my projects. It's frustrating, but at the same time, I'm still so relaxed from vacation that it doesn't bother me. Sigh. I don't think I'll be victorious in this battle.

I'm also struggling with the break of schedule vacation causes. I tend to eat fairly healthy. Considering a co-worker has taken to calling me "Vegetable" because of my daily bag of vegetables I'm eating at my desk, I'd say I'm doing alright. Of course, I eat junk food and drink beer with the best of them, but overall, I'd like to think I'm pretty healthy. But on vacation, anything goes. And after, I don't want to eat healthy anymore. Or go to the gym. I just want to eat chips and be lazy. Hopefully as my head gets back in the work routine, it will follow suit for eating and running. Maybe?

Lastly, my lack of focus on work has got me thinking more about writing. Last June for 30 days of creativity I took a picture everyday and wrote a short story to go along with it (all posted here). I want to do that again in June, but I don't want to just do it one month out of the year. Ideally, it would be great to do it weekly. I know daily is just too much, but I think I can handle weekly. I loved going out and taking pictures each day and it was amazing how quickly the stories came to life with the photo inspiration. I always liked photography because I could just capture what I saw around me, but I wasn't overwhelmed by a empty roll of film, or in modern age, an empty memory card. A blank page however, frightening. I like writing, but it's hard for me to find an idea to write about. Anyway, the pairing of photography and writing worked well for me and I'm going to try to do more of it more often. We'll see how it goes. I'm sure I thought I would continue doing it after June was over (and I had recovered from my June 30th surgery). But I'm actually quite surprised that I haven't even gone back to my posterous to even re-read what I wrote. The only reason I had even thought about it was because I wanted to look at my day 9 picture because we're having a photo contest at work.

Here are the two photos I submitted for the work contest.
Title: Jumping Bean (taken in Chicago at the "Cloud Gate"- aka, "the bean")


Title: Evening Twilight (taken in NY at the "Top of the Rock")


The theme for the contest is Luck. My rationale is an "action" photo is always a lucky photo. And I was lucky to get to have that view of NY at sunset, and lucky to actually get a decent photo since my point-and-shoot camera doesn't have the best luck with night photos. Not that I have to defend my photos to anyone, but felt the need to do so now.

But, back to my 30days thoughts. I really didn't think I would abandon it all so quickly. I was consumed with my knee and recovery for most of the summer, but it's sad how fast I let it all go and didn't look back once. But enough of what I didn't do, I'm going to start now. And I think I have the perfect picture to start with.

And going full circle, I'm going to stop forcing my head to think about work and going to go home and write.

2002.

Adam and I met approximately 9 years ago. We didn't really talk at first, but we saw each other at parties. When I came home from college for the summer and was around more often, we started actually talking to each other. His band played at my brother's house on a Friday, we went to a concert together on Monday (with friends), and had our "first date" later that week. We walked around Lake Calhoun and stayed up talking all night until my mom called around 5 AM demanding that her car and I return home. A couple days after that, I went to see Adam's band play at Sursumcorda (formerly Foxfire cafe, most recently Chicken and Waffles, now empty building). The news of our date had traveled to our friends and everyone was making the random comment about it. "Oh, I'll let you talk to Adam now." "What's with you and Adam?". Adam was going around telling people he had a girlfriend and I was playing it cool with "we're dating". I was 6 weeks away from leaving the country and wasn't planning out anything long term. After Adam's band played, we ended up at a friend's house for an after-bar party. Everyone stayed up all night and around 6AM people started trying to find places to crash. Adam and I, both unwilling to leave each other's company, ended up on a cushion on the floor. Until this picture was posted on facebook last weekend, I had no idea there was photographic evidence of that night. So, here's the picture. We had been on one date together and hadn't kissed yet. I had just turned 20 and Adam was days away from his 22nd birthday.

Trio of Simmies.

When I started blogging in 2003, the main reason was to keep in touch with my friends I met while studying abroad in London in 2002. A few of us live in or near the Minneapolis/St. Paul area and we try to grab drinks when we can. We met up on Friday at Merlins Rest in Minneapolis. It just happened to be kilt night and a tribute to Robert Burns, complete with bagpipers.



Me and An. I love how excited An is.


Steve and me.


A trio of Simmies.


The artistic beer glass shot.


We talked about a ten year Simmies reunion in London 2012- Simmies, let me know if you're interested.

I'll feel this tomorrow.

I decided to go with a co-worker to the gym over lunch to check out a "total conditioning" class. It was a really good class. I have a tendency to stare at the clock during group fitness- especially during the first class- so I know how much effort to give things. If it's 5 minutes into the class and I already feel like I want to die, then I need to rein in my effort so I can last the whole class. I rarely ever have the opposite problem of just not working hard enough. But this class went by pleasantly fast. It was an hour of ass-kicking that I needed, but I'm totally going to feel it tomorrow. After a few more classes, my arms are going to look amazing. But tomorrow, I'm going to be hurting and probably granting myself a day off of the gym.

Of course, I'm probably going to blow all calories burned (and many that I didn't) getting a couple of pints and fish and chips with some of my study abroad friends. But, let's face it, that's mostly why I work out anyway- to eat and drink.

Ah, gluttony.

Budgets.

I hate budgets. They always feel so constraining. But at the end of the day, they're a good thing. I go out WAY more than Adam, so I end up spending more. All couples do money their own way. We decided to pool all of ours together and just have one checking account. After spending 4 years doing the "you owe me for X..." back and forth, it was refreshing to just share. Adam's good about not calling me out too often about spending, and I pretty much let him buy whatever he wants (as long as he will use it!). This process of spend what you want only last for so long. I want to do a fair amount of travelling this year and the only way I can make that happen, is if I cut back. But since I have a direct trade-off of what I'm missing out on, I think I can make it happen. There are days I don't want to eat my Lean Cuisine and just go buy something else for lunch. I do a lot of impromptu happy hours and dinners out with friends. Mindless spending. Not that I can't still be social and have fun, I just need to be mindful of how often and how much. I've also gotten into the habit of just grabbing a cab home after a night of drinking instead of taking the bus. I was always of the thought that it was fine and it wasn't affecting anything. It's effecting how quickly we can pay off my student loans and how much money we have to do the things we want to do. So, if I'm going to literally travel coast to coast this year, I need to rein it in. I'm on a mission to spend my vacation time this year ON VACATION and not hibernating indoors during the month of December.

Life on a budget, I welcome you with open arms.

Motivation.

I just bought a bikini online for our trip to Miami at the end of February. Nothing's more motivating than a swimsuit ready deadline. The one thing that kills the motivation? Knee pain. I think I'm ready to officially kill any fall marathon goals. It just isn't in the cards this year. I don't want to push myself too much and end up being in pain for a few months of training. I'd much rather figure out a way to safely manage my pain without having to pop pain killers regularly. I've hardly taken any pain meds since surgery and don't want to start now. I also want to figure out a way to work out regularly and not be in pain afterwards and a solid schedule of running doesn't seem to be the right thing. So, I'm going to keep working on building back up my running base, focusing on 5k's, and cross train with cycling and swimming. I think the key will be balancing impact with non-impact cardio. I also wonder if once the winter passes if I'll still be experiencing knee pain. I ran a 5K early November, before it got cold, without any issues. Now, I seem to be lingering in a stiff/sore stage since winter hit. Makes me want to re-locate to a warmer climate. Or, perhaps just a long weekend in Miami will make it all better.

Too much, too soon?

I played my first soccer game post injury and surgery yesterday. Thankfully it was an "easier" game. Easy in that our team had control of the ball almost the whole time and the other team only had about 2 shots on goal. I was playing defense, so the minimal ball handling was good for me. The pivoting and leg stretching to trap the ball, not as good. My knee is a little swollen and sore today, so I'm hoping I can make it through the few games of bowling this evening at Ad League Bowling.

Yes, soccer, bowling, running, yoga. Those are the activities I do in a typical week. I went to yoga again this morning. And again, the teacher complimented my feet. He's working on remembering my name, today he recalled it as "Heather with the beautiful feet". Considering my siblings called my "freak toes" for the longest time, because of how little my little toes are, I'm going to like anyone that calls my feet beautiful. The yoga class is challenging and leaves me feeling incredibly calm and relaxed. My master plan is to do yoga for an hour and then run. Since I keep forgetting to grab breakfast as I leave the house, the running portion of my workout hasn't been getting fulfilled. But as my body gets used to yoga again, running after will get easier with time. Of course, in order to get there, I'm going to need to keep going to the gym in the morning. But with how good I've felt coming into work after, I'm going to try as hard as I can to continue.

But, back to the point of this post... The post soccer soreness has me thinking that perhaps I'm trying to take on too much. I've set myself some lofty goals for the next year. But perhaps, I need to just see how things go. That's sort of my plan. There are races I want to run, but I'm not signing up, yet, because I want to make sure that I can do it. But I'm starting to wonder if I need to give my body some time to get used to the "short" distances before I jump into mid-long distance training. I'm trying to get into the mindset that my body might not be able to handle another marathon. It's a very real possibility. Of course, I won't know unless I try. But perhaps I should save the trying for another year and keep pushing myself at a comfortable pace without going overboard. I want to be able to run/do activity without residual knee pain, so whatever I have to do (or not do) to get there is what I need to focus on.

New Routine.

I struggled to get to the gym last week. I had my gym bag with me everyday, yet still couldn't make it happen. So, I'm enacting a new routine. Over the weekend I was looking at some of the group classes to see if any of them fit my schedule and saw a 6am M/W yoga class. 6am, not ideal, but not horrible either. I usually set my alarm for around 6 and hit snooze for an hour. So, I'm not exactly missing out on quality sleep if I just get up and get out of bed at 5:30. Today was the trial run to see if I could, in fact, get up and out of bed and make it to the class semi-on time. I was a few minutes late, but was able to jump in without a problem. It was a little more advanced than any other class I've taken recently, but I liked the challenge and the flow of it. Overall, I really enjoyed it. After the class I talked to the instructor for a few minutes. He asked if I was a dancer because I had "gorgeous feet". He said he noticed because he's also a dancer. I was already planning on going back to the class, but the compliment on my feet solidified that plan.

I don't really do resolutions, but I'll set a new routine...
M/W- yoga and running in the morning
T- either lunch yoga or post work run
Sa- Yoga and running
Su- Spin class

Thursday and Friday are just too hard to plan and I'm guessing Tuesday will be hit or miss too. But if I plan to work out 4 days a week, I'm good with that.

We'll see how long 6am yoga lasts, but it started my day off just right, so I think it's going to be an addicting habit. And a yoga addiction is something I can handle.

Staying in check.

As soon as I hear about something that appeals to me, I want to sign up. Immediately. Generally without thinking through all the necessary logistics. Usually it's not much of an issue, but I'm trying to keep things in check.

Within the span of about ten minutes, I almost signed up for a 1/2 marathon race. In March. 2 months from now. Thankfully I was also able to talk myself out of the race realizing that while my mind can get ready for that, I'm not sure my body can. And do I really want to train for a 1/2 marathon in a MINNESOTA WINTER?! I don't mind the treadmill, but I can't do it for more than an hour. I do like running outside in the winter, but not when it's zero degrees. Too many unknown factors for me to commit. Thankfully I paused long enough to think these pieces through. Of course the last issue with the race is that it's 2 days AFTER St. Patrick's day. I'm not a racing expert, but I'm confident St. Pat's celebrating is not recommended that close to a race.

In the meantime, I will sign up for the 7K in two months and train for a 10 mile race for the weekend BEFORE St. Patrick's day. But I'm not signing up... yet. I'll see how my training goes and how my knee feels before I hand over my money. I need to keep my aspirations in check as I learn what my knee is capable of doing and how much running it can handle.

2011 is my rebuilding year.

Bring it on.