Staying Busy.

I prefer to stay busy, because if I don't, I end up doing absolutely NOTHING. That was this weekend. I'm semi-ashamed to even admit it, but that's what I wanted this weekend to be. After a week of rehearsals prepping for performances and then 3 nights of performances, I needed a nice week off. I'm also positive that Adam and I will never be on the same "energy" schedule. When I'm awake and want to go out, he doesn't. When he does, I don't. Adam's car was acting up last week so I biked into work on Friday so he could use my car. I enjoy the ride in, however on Friday, my knee started to hurt and feel achy once I got to work. Needless to say, that made the return trip home less than ideal and of course just wore me out. Adam wanted to go to down to Lake Calhoun, walk around and get a beer, but I just wasn't feeling it. We settled on take-out and movie night on the couch. Which was exactly what I wanted and needed. That was pretty much our routine for the rest of the weekend. Movies, naps, take-out. It was nice and relaxing, but I always feel a little guilty about not doing ANYTHING. But at the same time our MN summer has kept me in hibernation mode, preferring the air conditioning to the triple digit heat indices. Yes, I'm trying to make myself feel better about a super lazy weekend that consisted on multiple-per day naps. Of course, I woke up around 3am this morning and couldn't fall back asleep until sometime after 5, so instead of feeling rested and revived, I'm itching for more sleep.

The other reason that I was OK with not doing anything this weekend is that I'm heading to Chicago for Lollapalooza. I know I'm going to need my energy for 3 days of music. It's been a while since I've been to an all-day musical festival, let alone 3 days of music. I'm hoping that I can comfortably handle the crowds and my knee (which is still sore) can handle all the standing. I think the fact that I'm more worried about crowds and my body indicates that I am for sure getting old. My 16 year old self would be worried about how to catch 2 bands playing back to back on different stages. I know I just need to relax and enjoy my time visiting friends and one of my favorite cities.

Lastly, I'm started to get worried about the duathlon and half marathon I've signed up for. I'm 28 days away from the duathlon and my knee has been too sore to train much, and the weather has been less than ideal for long bike rides or outdoor running. I'm letting my knee call the shots these days, so if I can't do it, I can't do it. I want to. I love the idea of a duathlon, but not if my body is going to be hating me every step of the way. My heart was in the race last year when I signed up (and was healthy). But this year, after deferring my entry to this year and a year of recovery, I'm not so excited about it. I'll keep trying but I'm okay if I have to throw in the towel on this race. Sadly, I know that if my knee won't let me do a duathlon, then a half is certainly out. But again, I'll call that as it gets closer. It was this time last year that I started running again, so maybe everything will work out after all. Maybe?

Day 1.

It's really the small victories that matter. I biked into work today, but I left later than I wanted and didn't have time for a run/walk. My first meeting of the day was next to a plate of puppy dog tails from Isles Buns but I grabbed a couple of pieces of fruit instead of one the delicious baked goods. Thankfully that willpower is keeping me in check and I want to keep my healthy eating going for lunch... but I'm starting to get hungry now. This could be a long day.

I need a diet.

I have to say, hanging out in a dance studio with a bunch of 20-year-olds, in spandex, it really does a number on one's self esteem. Since my knee has been so inconsistent, I haven't been working out much, or at all, other than dance rehearsals. Rehearsals aren't as strenuous as my high school ones, so I really haven't been working out at all. I'm also coming off my birthday when I ate a bazillion cupcakes and pretty much anything else that I wanted. And I continued to do that for all of last week. Today, the last thing I wanted to do was watch myself dance in a mirror. I've been saying that I need to workout more and eat better for a couple of weeks now, but today I reached the point where I'm actually going to take action on it. I'm also 47 days from a duathlon that I haven't started training for. It's a 5k, 18 mile bike ride and another 5k. I'm more worried about the 5ks since I haven't been running much. My old me would be able to get there in time, I'm hoping post surgery me can as well. I'm mostly going to need to build up my endurance since I have none at this point. Hopefully I can get there in a coupe weeks. Thankfully the wonderful MN humidity has subsided and I can bike to work tomorrow without the threat of heat exhaustion. Depending on how my knee feels, I'll also be able to do a short run to start working on my endurance and my running. My knee had been feeling great until last night when Adam jaywalked and I ran across the road to catch up with him. I'm going to be very annoyed if my knee pain lingers for a couple of days because of that.

Anyway, here is my public declaration that I need to workout more and eat better. Healthy me, let's do this.

Is it real?

It has certainly been an adjustment week not having classes after work. Last year when classes were done, I jumped right into wedding planning. Now, I've jumped into running, which is such a different mental challenge. Instead of having to think about a bunch of different things, I actually get to focus on one task at a time. With running I have to push myself to run farther and faster. I need to reassure myself that I can actually do it instead of being stressed out trying to finish work and homework. It is really nice to know that I have the time to work out and the marathon training is forcing me to be consistent. Last night I got home from work and Adam was sitting on the couch eating dinner and had a plate set out for me. I was tempted for a second to sit down and eat, but then I knew that if I did, I would not go for a run. So I quickly changed and got out the door before I got sucked into couch sitting all night. I ran 2 miles and it was sort of a tough run, for a "short" distance, I thought it would be easy, but I had a hard time getting into it. I was scheduled to run 3-4 miles this morning, so I was dreading that after such a tough 2 mile run yesterday. On top of that, I biked into work (its bike/walk to work day) which takes about 40 minutes, so I thought it would be a very difficult run this morning... I was pleasantly surprised when my run was easier. I think the bike ride helped warm me up and I was able to run at a faster pace than I usually do. While not that exciting, it makes me feel less scared about the marathon knowing that I'm building up the endurance I need to. Of course all this activity is making me tired by 10 pm. I can barely make it through the Daily Show before I'm out. So on the plus side, I'm getting a lot of sleep these days!

When I was in school, I kept thinking that once I'm done I will be able to balance my life between work, me and Adam better. But that's not working out as much yet. While it's not necessarily a bad thing, I'm still focusing way more on myself than I am on Adam. Yes, it is important to take time for myself, but I also need to take time for my husband. I feel like there is always an excuse for me... this time, it's "once I get my paper done".

June 10th my paper is due (27 days)
June 17th Capstone defending (34 days)
June 19th heading to Vegas (36 days)