Soccer.

I've been playing soccer for a year since surgery. Last year when I started playing my knee hurt after every game. For awhile, I was beginning to wonder if it was worth it, but I kept at it. Now I feel good after a game and my knee doesn't hurt. We had our second game of the winter session today and I was playing better than I have in awhile. I was stealing the ball and making passes, I'd like to say it was because our team was a little better than the other team, but I wonder if I'm playing better because I'm improving. I stopped playing soccer when I was 12 to focus on dance. I was a decent player when I was a kid, but that was an all-girls team of rec soccer. When I started playing 6 years ago as an adult, I was out of practice and out of shape. I'm sort of amazed that I even kept playing, but I'm really glad I did. I really enjoy the camaraderie of a team sport. Of course, the better you are at something, the more enjoyable the activity usually is. So here's to improving and sticking through the times when it's not so easy. And also hoping we win a game soon. We've had two tie games, with no goals, this session. We need to score some goals, and perhaps I'll be the one to do it... Now that's crazy talk, I think I've gotten 3 goals in my entire 13 year soccer career. I'll just focus on feeling good and improving.

Motivation.

I just bought a bikini online for our trip to Miami at the end of February. Nothing's more motivating than a swimsuit ready deadline. The one thing that kills the motivation? Knee pain. I think I'm ready to officially kill any fall marathon goals. It just isn't in the cards this year. I don't want to push myself too much and end up being in pain for a few months of training. I'd much rather figure out a way to safely manage my pain without having to pop pain killers regularly. I've hardly taken any pain meds since surgery and don't want to start now. I also want to figure out a way to work out regularly and not be in pain afterwards and a solid schedule of running doesn't seem to be the right thing. So, I'm going to keep working on building back up my running base, focusing on 5k's, and cross train with cycling and swimming. I think the key will be balancing impact with non-impact cardio. I also wonder if once the winter passes if I'll still be experiencing knee pain. I ran a 5K early November, before it got cold, without any issues. Now, I seem to be lingering in a stiff/sore stage since winter hit. Makes me want to re-locate to a warmer climate. Or, perhaps just a long weekend in Miami will make it all better.

2 months.

I really wanted to post yesterday as it was the 2 month anniversary of my motorcycle accident. But, the act of having to go retrieve my computer and actually write was something that wasn't going to get executed. So, I'm writing today. 2 months + a day.

The past two months feel like they have flown by. It feels like its been a series of stages. The initial crash, then getting diagnosed, prepping for surgery, recovering from surgery. Two week increments that are all adding up to the last 8 weeks.

On a positive note, the one thing the surgeon told me to work on post recovery, I can finally do. I can lift my leg up. Yes, this sounds like a simple task. But, after surgery and not using my leg for a couple days, it was about the hardest task ever. I had my first round of Physical Therapy on Wed and a day later, I could do it. Lifting my leg also means that I can stop using crutches. Which is a great feeling. Another 2 week milestone. And hopefully in another 2 weeks I will no longer need a brace. Of course, I will still be recovering, but it will be nice to be able be able to wear pants again.

If I hit a milestone every two weeks, I'm completely OK with that. Baby steps to full recovery and little things to keep me motivated along the way. Two weeks ago, I felt awful. Pain meds were making me sick, it was my birthday (which I haven't acknowledged at all), and even the thought of moving was a horrific thought. Now, I'm walking unaided. I'm slow and bit unsteady, but it can only get better from here.

Back and sort of rolling.

I had knee surgery on June 30th. ACL reconstruction and fix (clean up) of a meniscus tear on my left knee. I had intentions of writing about it sooner, but it was one of those things that was easier to think about than to act on it. The pain meds I was one just wore me out and made me sleepy, so I spent a lot of time sleeping.

Overall, the surgery went well, or so they say. I'm starting physical therapy this week. Hopefully that goes well. I'm still on crutches. Hopefully I'll be off them soon. I need to be able to hold my leg out straight before I can do it. Getting close, but still not there. Amazing how something that used to be so easy is now so difficult.

This was my leg after surgery. The blue tube like thing is actually just an ice pack. They sent me home from the hospital with a cooler that attaches to my leg to keep it consistently cold. It was sort of loud and annoying, but very functional.


I had my post surgery doctor check up today. He gave me a smaller ace bandage to wear and shortened the brace a little. But I still have to wear it till the end of the month.


Let's just say, I'm looking forward to August. And well, 2011 in general when I'll *hopefully* be cleared for all of my regular activities again. With a modified activity brace of course. I'll be brace bound for running & soccer for quite a while. It really makes me wish I hadn't been thinking "it's so nice to get to run without a knee brace" the weekend before I crashed. I was out for my long run and was thinking about my previous knee injuries and how annoying they had been. Well, it's been a fun year brace free. At least my right knee hasn't been giving me any trouble for a while, otherwise this whole fiasco could be a lot worse.

I'm just trying to stay positive and keep looking ahead toward recovery. Its really the only way to go about it. So, here's to the future and hopefully a knee-brace free August.

Almost Time.

I'm getting knee surgery on Wednesday morning. I've been reluctant to research much about the surgery because I don't want to frighten myself about it and waste time worrying about things that are just out of my control. They didn't tell me much about my recovery time, very general time lines. But, as more time has passed, the more people I run into that have had the surgery and the more I learn. I like learning from others and hearing about how things went, but now I'm starting to freak out. Over the last 3 weeks, I've regained almost all of my mobility in my knee and am overall feeling well. So, I'm starting to worry about the surgery. I know in the long run, it will be worth it and is the best decision for me. But, it's also a little frustrating to think about how much better I'm feeling now and that it's all going away soon.

This whole thing is putting me in a weird place and I'm trying hard to snap out of it, but have a feeling my weird mood is going to linger for the rest of July. I'm just warning you now...

Surgery Bound.

When I found out I tore my ACL, I didn't even question the surgery option. I'm an active person and if I want to do as many of the things that I did before, I need to get surgery.

Surgery is scheduled for June 30th. Two weeks away. I'm hoping the long 4th of July weekend will be enough recovery time, but I'm preparing for the worst. I have no idea how I'm going to feel, so I mentally prepping to be bed ridden and to not want to move. Part of me wants to research this a little more, but at the same time know that I would psyche myself out too much if I did, so its better to just live with what the doctor tells me. We'll see how this little adventure goes.

In the meantime, my hand is still sore/tender as is my right leg (where the bike fell on me in the tumble before the crash). I have a feeling both of those injuries are going to linger with me much longer than I want them to. Just taking this all one day at a time.

Motorcycles are dangerous, remember that.

ACL.

The diagnosis that I've been hoping not to get was confirmed today.

I tore my ACL and meniscus in my left knee.

I'm waiting to get a surgery date, but looks like it will happen either the end of June or early July. I'll have a brace for a month after surgery. I should be able to run 6-8 weeks after surgery with a full recovery date of about 6 months. It seems like 2010 has taken a turn for the worse. I'm already anxiously awaiting 2011, because it's got to be a better year than this is turning out to be.

Historically May is not a good month for me:
May 14, 2009- I got laid off.
May 15, 2010- I crashed a motorcycle.
May 16, 2011- I will probably not leave my house.

The confirmation of my injury has put me in a pretty foul mood. While I didn't have many plans, and certainly not a bucket list, but I did want to do all of the things that I did last summer. Long bike rides, long runs, soccer games. I just want to be myself again and being myself means being active. This is going to be a long mental journey for me and I'm going to try to stay positive, but for now, I'm going to feel sorry for myself.

Crash.

Last Thursday I embarked on an adventure of learning to ride a motorcycle. Harley-Davidson has a new rider course to learn in. Its two nights of in class teaching and then two days of on the bike training. By the end, if you pass, you are endorsed to get your motorcycle license. I was excited about the course, but not so excited to give up my Thursday and Friday nights and all day Saturday and Sunday. But I was excited at the opportunity to learn to ride a motorcycle. That excitement didn't last long.

On Saturday, I started out doing well. I got the basics of riding and was having a good time. Just before lunch I was starting to struggle and ended up tipping the bike- the bike landing on my leg. Of course, that jilted me a little. Its hard to get back on when you've just had a motorcycle fall on you and your leg is throbbing. I spent the lunch break trying to build back up my confidence. Again, that didn't last long.

Not long after lunch, I crashed. Not just a tumble off the bike, but a crash. I was going faster than I wanted heading into a curve (the whole course taking place in a parking lot, so we were just riding around in circles). I had a vision of myself tipping the bike around the curve and myself sliding across the pavement. Not a good vision. But I had a vision I was going to crash, so, in essence I made it happen. I tried to stop, but did the one maneuver that we are told NOT to do- I grabbed the front break. In another attempt to avoid the pavement, I steered myself into a ditch.

The physical crash is hazy for me. I tipped the bike onto the right side, but somehow ended up sliding across the dirt on my left side. Hurting my right hand and left knee in the process. I'm banged up and bruised, but that's all. Nothing broken and hopefully nothing too serious (I'm still waiting to see how bad my knee is).

But I hurt. I thought I had a pretty high pain tolerance, but the way I'm throwing back vicodin leads me to believe otherwise.

Will I attempt to drive a motorcycle again? No. I don't trust myself and if I can crash in a motorcycle safety course, I shouldn't be on the road. Will I ride one again? Maybe. I don't trust myself to drive one, but I'm not opposed to someone else.

Here's a picture of the bike post crash. (Note the dirt in the head light and exposed wires).



Here's a picture of me post crash. (Note the knee brace and arm wrap).