Birthday Blues.

My birthday is almost 3 months away. I'm not fretting about turning 30, I'm fretting because I don't know how I'm going to celebrate. I have a love-hate with my birthday, I always have. Mostly because I've rarely gotten to celebrate how I want to. That whole twin thing really gets in the way, especially when you're the submissive twin that concedes to keep the peace. Throw on 4th of July weekend with 95% of people escaping to a cabin and you're left with 1.3 friends in town and if you're lucky 1 of them doesn't already have plans. I threw a birthday party for myself last year which was successful in that it was a party, not successful in that I didn't know a lot of the people that came and a fair amount had no idea it was even my birthday, they were just there to see the bands.  I did have a good group of friends show up, so I shouldn't be too pity party about it, but I always have expectations greater than reality. That's my own fault, I need to turn my optimistic self down to a realist from time to time. But nonetheless, I'm slowing coming upon a milestone birthday without a way to celebrate. And since it falls around 4th of July (July 2nd), I'll get a few extra days off of work. Milestone birthday + extra vacation time, sounds like a prime opportunity to take a vacation. However, Adam working contract means a world of uncertainty and I'm stuck thinking about what I'd want to without the ability to actually do it.

I'm also not 100% sure of what I want to do. I think about my friends from over the years and so many of them don't live in MN anymore, they're scattered across the world... looking at some of the friends I invited to our wedding, they're now in Boston, New York, California, Prague and Australia. It's a little hard to get them together for a gathering.

The first and most logical idea is to visit my sister in NYC. But I know, that will most likely turn into a repeat of our 21st when everyone knew it was Heidi's birthday and no one knew it was Heather's. Heidi's always been the more vocal of us and has a lot more friends, so she tends to garner more attention in any social gathering. I went out there for our 27th birthday, (recap of that trip here), I had just finished grad school and was job hunting so it wasn't so much a vacation as just visiting my sister over the time that happened to be our birthday. That birthday was less than ideal, but I think it was harder for me to see Heidi so upset about it. I think that's why I end up the submissive twin, I'd rather sacrifice my happiness because when she's sad, it makes me sad, but if she's happy, I can find a way to be happy too. Also, it's a lot easier to agree with my sister than fight with her.

I was hoping writing would help me narrow down what I'd like to do, sadly, I think I'm more confused than when I started. Have a birthday suggestion for me? I'll gladly take it!