Slob.

For reasons unknown I am now going to share how much of a slob I have become in the last 3 days.

I have eaten fast food for every meal today. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. Eerily, "chicken" was consumed in various forms for each meal along with various forms of "potatoes". This fact alone makes me a little queasy. This decision was based solely on the fact that I would not have to exit a vehicle to retrieve the food and that the food is not only delivered quickly to said car, but can be consumed quickly. (When one is working on a deadline these are important details).

I have not showered for more days than I'm willing to admit at this point... or changed clothes. Its gross and way beyond my usual standards of cleanliness. Since I have to leave the house (and my car) tomorrow, I'm sort of saving up all my grunginess for a really amazing shower tomorrow.

In my head this list was longer. But before I waste brain power adding to it, I should stop.

This is all in the name of grad school and the final project that allows me to graduate and get the nifty piece of paper that I can frame and add to my wall. On a side note, my marathon training has come to a crashing halt and I will attempt to reinstate it tomorrow.

Saturation point.

I'm finishing up some research for my final paper (2 days to go!) and had been thinking that there's no way I will get to a point where I think I've found everything. Except, I think I just reached that point. I was reading an article and realized all the sources it was citing, I had already read. So here I am nodding along to the article when I realize that I might actually be getting to the end, and have a good grasp on the concepts. Hopefully this will lead to a day of prosperous writing.

Its an odd, but good, feeling thinking these are the last few days ever that I have to do this. Since my classes have been over, I have been relaxed, but I still knew this time was coming that I would have to write this paper. I know I will probably have to make some revisions to my paper, but I anticipate that to be a fairly easy process. I've been looking forward to this time for so long that it seems unnerving that I'm almost there. It has been so stressful the last two years, that I keep thinking in a week, it will all be over.

Oh so tired.

Pretty much all I did this week was sleep. Lots and lots of sleep. A bunch of friends from grad school met up last night for a NE bar crawl. Since I was loosing my voice by bar two, I decided I should head home. I knew that if I stayed out later, I would not be able to be productive today. Now, here it is 6:30 and I've barely done anything. I woke up at 11 and was napping by 12. Four hours later, I finally woke up, but I still feel tired. I don't know where all my energy has gone.

Here's to 24 oz of gas station coffee and hoping it gets me going. This paper is not writing itself.

Tension

I can't state a source for this fact, but I've heard from more than one that money is usually a main source of fighting within a household. Since Adam I generally have some, we've been ok. But now we've gone from a DINK (Double Income No Kids) to SINK (Single Income No Kids) and I don't like it. I liked knowing that I had a pay check and brought money into the house. It made me feel like I didn't have to justify my expenses because I earned it. Now, I feel like I can't spend money on anything because I'm not helping bring any in. The worst part is Adam and I had a trip to Vegas planned to celebrate my graduation and our anniversary. He wants to cancel it. He doesn't even want to entertain the idea of still going. I don't know what the cancellation policy is (I'm dreading looking into it) but if we're out some money, I would rather we just go because if we're going to throw money way, why not just spend it and sort of enjoy it.

It doesn't help that everyone around me is telling me to travel. Believe me, if it was just me and I had money, I would. But since I am part of a unit and the other half has a death grip on the bank account, it probably won't happen. Does this frustrate me, yes. But I also need to remember the reason said unit has savings is from the death grip on the bank account. I love that Adam is a saver because it means that we plan and think about the future. The problem with that is that you can't be spontaneous. No impromptu trips happen. Nothing spur of the moment. I know others that live their lives saving up and traveling until they run out of money. My heart is there, but my body lives in a high interest savings account.

It has been 3 weeks of unemployment. I have had a couple interviews with a second round interview happening tomorrow and more meetings set up next week, so I'm trying to find something. But when is the next time I will have free time again?

I've also been sick all week with what I'm hoping are just allergy issues, so I haven't been running since my sinuses were driving me crazy- so that is also a major source of my frustration. I haven't been able to vent all week and I think it's all just building up now and I'm taking it all out on a soon to be canceled vacation. AND I have my FINAL paper due in 6 days and let's just say it needs A LOT of work. (I'm trying to remain calm and realizing that I still have more time to devote to it than any other paper I have written in the last two years). Sigh.

Just waiting for coffee to kick in.

I'm not intentionally procrastinating this time. I'm just waiting for my coffee to kick in and take effect.

I went to my weight watchers meeting this morning. I'm was hoping I could loose 3 pounds this week (mostly because my scale indicated I was) but at my meeting I was only down 1.4 pounds. I'm not complaining at the loss, just noting that each week I can think I'm doing one thing, but it doesn't translate to the "official" scale. I'm still happy with where I'm at and how far I've come. I'm 4 pounds away from my goal weight, so that's really exciting. I really wanted to make goal next week, but it looks like I will be at least another 2 weeks before it happens. So far, I'm down 16 pounds and have lost 11% of my starting weight. I've also started to notice how much my clothes don't really fit anymore, which of course leads to shopping. I'm really trying hard to refrain from that as hardly anything is on sale and I refuse to pay full price for most things. But, I have continued to just go into stores to try a bunch of stuff on, and then not buy anything. It's sort of fun, except I feel like I'm running out of places to go or things to try on when I go on lunch. I like to try things on that I might actually buy, but since prices are much more than I want to pay, it's taking some of the fun out.

I think the coffee is starting to kick in as I just had an epiphany about my paper and why it has been so hard for me. I'm doing a case study, but I already knew the outcome of it before I started. So, I've been writing about trying to find results and trying to hypothesize about them when I already knew them! Basically, I need to think about my data in a different way so I can make the conclusions that I need to. This probably only makes sense to me, but is probably the most helpful thing I have thought of all week.