Obligated.

I hate when I feel obligated to do something versus genuinely wanting to do it. It was my friends birthday yesterday, I guess more of an acquaintance since I haven't seen her for about 4 months. She came to my birthday festivities last summer and I felt that I had to go out for her birthday. I was busy everyday last week and just wanted to relax on Saturday night, but I felt I had to go out. Adam agreed to come out for a drink with me, we paid too much for the cover than couldn't even find the birthday girl. The bar was packed and it sucked. We decided to go see Syriana since we were already downtown and really didn't feel like going to another bar. I hate packed bars where you can't move, they just make me not want to be there. I like being able to sit down and enjoy a drink and talk with people. It's one thing when I go out to go dancing, then I just want to dance and don't think about anything else. I guess it all depends on the mindset when starting an evening. If I don't want to go out to begin with, the night is not going to be that promising.

I don't even want to think about how much money I have spent the last few weeks buying gifts. I have a ridiculous amount of secret santa type gifts. I have noticed that you never really get anything that you want from those. I will spend $50 on gifts for others and will probably end up with lotion and bubble bath. I have been doing an insane amount of shopping and keep buying things for myself. I am not supposed to shop for me, but for others. I don't even want to think about it.